Friday, August 26, 2005

looking forward to fall

over the last few weeks I've come face to face with some ugly realities about myself. One of the big things is that I'm afraid of everything: afraid of the future, afraid of making wrong choices, afraid of calling my friends lest it be at a bad time of day, afraid of inviting anyone over to play with me lest they be annoyed by four little kids running around demanding their attention, afraid to say anything 'real' in conversation lest I say the wrong thing.

It all sounds rather silly on paper (er... on computer screen) - but there it is. I've known I need to spend some time alone with God, thinking about these things, praying, meditating on His words, asking Him to change me... because I sure can't figure out how to change myself... but I haven't even known how to figure out how to spend some time with God. I've felt too tired to even be able to make wise decisions about my time.

Then a friend of mine called and said she'd really like to watch Mac and Bubbie once a week this fall (while BigE and Chickie are in school) so that I can have some time alone to think and pray. And I got to spend a little time with another friend I haven't seen all summer - who filled me in on some good things BigE can probably look forward to from his first-grade teacher, who she has subbed for. And I also got a little time with a friend I haven't seen for more than a year. And none of my friends ran away screaming when my kids "entertained" them with endless silliness and bragging.

So right now I feel like there might be some hope, even for me and my kids.

Yesterday was Daniel's afternoon off, and there was wind. So we went to the beach and he got to do some KAPping while I got to spend time with a friend.

And our pastor's family gave us their swingset that their family has outgrown.

And Mac and Bubbie learned to slide down the climber, mostly by themselves: Mac leading the way fearlessly, even sliding out the ladder-hole once instead of the slide-hole - and Bubbie very cautiously watching and imitating.

Daniel and the big kids went out in the evening for some more kite photography while I put babies to bed.

All in all it was a lovely day. I'm looking forward to fall.


Anonymous Ilia said...

Hey Kel

Mac is so cute!!! I want him and BigE and Chickie and Bubbie and you and Dan to come again or I want to come see you in the winter.

why didn't Mac climb in a bucket? did he know how?

8/28/2005 8:15 PM  
Blogger kelly said...

we want to see you too. Only I think we used up most of Daniel's vacation time already. :-( I think we'll have to wait for Christmas... or you can come to visit us anytime!

Mac doesn't know how to climb in a bucket by himself. But he's learning fast.

8/28/2005 9:40 PM  

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